100 days alcohol free
Today marks exactly that; 100 days alcohol free (minus champagne on Christmas Day if I’m being completely honestl)
On Sunday September 30th I woke up and decided to stop drinking. It wasn’t after a particularly alcohol fuelled evening, it’s something I’d been considering trying for a while. It actually coincided with Sober October so I knew I wouldn’t be the only one in the world facing sobriety for the first 30 days.
I was a weekend drinker, happily sharing a bottle of wine on a Friday, sometimes followed with a G&T, but it was OK, because I taught a strenuous exercise class first thing Saturday morning, (this is was what I told myself anyway). This pattern repeated on a Saturday night and pretty much every weekend. If I was on a night out with the girls we would get through an impressive amount of Prosecco, with a few tequilas and espresso martinis thrown in.
During covid, the beginning of the weekend became a Thursday, sometimes a Wednesday and soon, during lockdown, it became perfectly acceptable in to have a glass of wine at lunch. I convinced myself that everyone else was doing it. (This drinking pattern was very short-lived but rather enjoyable at the time!)
For those of you that know me, I don’t do anything by halves. I like to fully commit to things, heart, soul and body. You see it in my work, no class being the same, meticiculous planning to create new content, never ending energy, smiles all round. Not one, or two, but maybe three coffees – sorry to those who have experienced those workouts! Back in my dieting days, (thank God they’re over) I tried every single diet, I had to have every single ingredient and would not settle for a substitution. I used to have a cake business which I had to stop because of my perfectionism. It would take me hours and hours to create the perfect masterpiece and let’s just say, there was a lot of mess involved! You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs right?!
Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. I’m an all or nothing person and struggle with the middle line; the moderate way, I just don’t think it’s in my make up. I enjoy a caffeine hit, a sugar high, an endorphin fuelled run and until recently, a Tequila or 3. Cutting down is something I’ve tried numerous times, but, quite frankly, failed miserably.
Giving up was daunting. How would I still be the chatty party girl on a night out without a Sauvignon Blanc in my hand? How would I make conversation so easily without a few units under my belt? How would I fill my Friday and Saturday evenings without becoming a full fledged fridge raider? Would not drinking put pressure on my relationship? Would people behave differently around me?
But what about waking up, fresh as a daisy, Saturday and Sunday?! What about feeling hydrated, less brain fog, clear skin and better health? Perhaps I’d have more energy. Maybe the house would be tidy all the time?! Maybe I’d be more motivated, parent better, train for a marathon. Ok, maybe not the latter.
The first 3 weekends were the hardest as there was lots going on in the social calendar. I didn’t want those around me to change their ways because of my decision not to drink but friends and family were mindful and supportive. The monkey chatter in my brain was very present. ‘You deserve a glass after that week’, ‘It’s been a really hard day’, ‘You could just restart in January’, ‘Why are you even doing this?. The self doubt was intense.
December was actually easier than I anticipated. I had my reasons ready to reel off confidently when asked. I’d told everyone prior to the WOWT party that I’d stopped. I woke up feeling smug, on numerous weekends infact when others were feeling a little fragile to say the least.
On Christmas Eve I made the decision to allow myself some Champagne on Christmas Day only. I made this decision because I felt strong enough. It wasn’t an impulsive decision. It also gave me a night to think carefully about my decision. I knew I wouldn’t go over board and I did exactly that; 2 glasses and I was done. I woke up Boxing Day and felt even more driven to continue this way of life until perhaps next Christmas Day when I will be toasting to yet another year alcohol free.
Well, what did I find out?
Parenting is hard! It’s easier after a glass of wine. Three months of being teetotal has been challenging in that department, in fact it’s probably been the hardest aspect.
My anxiety levels (something which I haven’t suffered with previously) have been through the roof. I guess this was something I was unknowingly masking when I poured my 5 o’clock Friday wine. Running my own business, solely, is a 24/7 job. I wouldn’t change it for the world, but that, combined with parenting, alongside the physical impact 15 classes per week has on my body – is hard. I’m working through different ways to keep a positive mindset; getting more fresh air, spending more time with friends, enjoying quality time together with my family and you know what – I’m getting there!
My skin has never been worse, apparently the liver detoxing, but it could also be the replacement of booze for all things beige!
After three months, my skin is finally improving. I have more energy for sure which Lahna certainly appreciates. My social life hasn’t depleted, people, apparently, still enjoy my company and my friendships and relationships haven’t been affected. If anything, they have all improved due to the support they’ve given me, thank you – you all know who you are.
I’m learning to enjoy natural highs and starting to understand myself more clearly and what I need to succeed and feel my best.
I wasn’t sure I’d make a month sober, never mind three, but for now, I’m confident I won’t have another drink till Christmas. I’ve got so much I want to achieve with the business this year and I know being alcohol free will encourage me to finally get through my ‘to do lists’.
Achieving your goals feels incredible. I’m still looking forward to the positives of sobriety, they didn’t happen all at once, if at all in the first couple of months, (minus the hangovers of course).
As I sit here, on my first Alcohol free holiday sipping my 0% beer, what I feel most about this whole experience is a sense of pride. This emotion has caught me off guard. I find it hard to be proud of myself, I feel pride for others but I can confidently say – I’m so proud of myself for giving up!
Thanks for reading if you made it this far. So many of you have been asking me why I did it so I thought I’d write a little post, albeit longer than I intended!
Tasha x
